


Feels Like Heaven To Me

by AngelWings666



Category: Marvel (Comics)
Genre: Death, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, No Smut, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-21 21:40:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3705525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelWings666/pseuds/AngelWings666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Wade's death, Peter struggles to cope. (I suck at summaries) *Peter is Tony and Steve's kid*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So Lets be sinners to be saints  
> and lets be winners by mistake  
> the world may disapprove  
> But my world is only you  
> And if we're sinners then it feels like Heaven to me

Peter’s head hurt. There was a gash on his arm and he was losing blood quickly. He had been distracted, worrying endlessly about Wade, who was sitting at home, more vulnerable than he had ever been before. He was already a couple of hours late, this job was taking longer than he expected. He just wanted to go home now, and fall into his new, non-indestructible boyfriend’s arms and go to sleep.  
He’s lost his phone too, so he had no way of contacting anyone and worry was practically eating him inside.

It took a while, but eventually he got the job done and set to work trying to find his phone. It was lying in a pool of blood, obscuring the screen a little.

Peter wiped it on his suit before turning it on. There was a rather large crack in the screen, which he ignored as he checked for missed calls.

11 missed calls from Clint, 4 from Tony and 8 from Steve. _Shit_.

He put the phone up to his ear and braced for a lecture, calling Clint first, thinking that it might soften the blow. The phone rang for three long seconds before Clint Barton’s warm voice came through the speaker. “Peter, are you okay!?”

Peter frowned. Normally all of the avengers called him Parker, the fact that Clint just used his actual name meant something was really wrong.

“Yeah, I’m fine, what’s wrong Barton?”

The line went really quiet. Peter heard a muffled argument in the background, before Clint came back.

“Peter…” Peter froze. Clint was using the same voice that people had used after his uncle had died, laden with worry and sympathy.

“It’s Wade. He’s in hospital.”

**********************************************************

Peter was at Stark towers within five minutes. As soon as he knocked on the door, he was instantly pulled into a bone-crushing hug from none other than Tony Stark.  
“Dad, What’s going on? Clint said… He said…” Peter trailed off, watching Tony’s face, almost praying for it to not be true. The grim set of his dad’s jaw told him all he needed to know, and he slumped a little in Tony’s grip.

“Is he gonna be okay?” Peter was almost whispering now, terrified of the answer.

It was then that Steve Rogers decided to make his entrance, looking sleepy and sympathetic. Peter was really starting to hate that look.

“Peter... “ Peter was pulled into yet another tight hug, but he only really wanted to see one person.

“Can you take me to the hospital?”

********************************************************************

Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Centre was a beautiful building, Peter had to admit. As they got to the reception desk, his hands had started to shake really bad, so bad that Clint had to help him sign his name.

It was worse than he’d expected. He’s known that Wade would look sick, sicker than normal, but nothing could have prepared him for this.

Flowers and candles soothed the bedside, but Peter’s eyes were instantly drawn to the needles protruding from his boyfriends arms, his chest.

Wade’s eyes fluttered open. “Spidey? D-Didn’t want you to see me like this…” His voice was quiet, breathless. Peter stepped forward, slipping out of Clint’s grip and closing the door behind him. He slid into the green armchair which was beside Wade’s bed, watching his boyfriend struggle to breathe. He reached over, taking his hand gently.

“I guess this is goodbye, Spidey… I have to say, I was hoping we’d have forever…” Wade started coughing, wheezing a little. Peter sighed and offered him water, which he took. Instead of answering at first, he looked around the ward, taking in the ugly walls and the unmistakable smell of hospital. Wade’s breathing was getting worse by the second, each ragged breath going through peter like a knife. The machines started to go off, but Wade was smiling.

“Love you Spidey.”

Peter choked out a laugh and shook his head. “Wade, I-”

But he was gone, his eyes gone dull and glassy.

Wade Wilson was dead.


	2. Numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let's be sinners to be saints  
> And let's be winners by mistake  
> The world may disapprove  
> But my world is only you  
> And if we're sinners then it feels like heaven to me

Peter woke up to the smell of coffee and frying bacon. He dragged himself out of bed and yawned, stretching in front of the mirror. He brushed his teeth quickly and ran his hands through his hair, adding to the mad scientist look he’d been rocking for the past two days. The bags under his eyes were getting darker by the day, making him look like some sort of sleep deprived raccoon. When he arrived in the kitchen, Clint Barton was already there. That explained the lovely smells that had woken him up. Clint had taken up semi-permanent residence in Peter’s apartment, since the Avenger’s didn’t really trust him to be alone at the moment. Peter wasn’t really complaining though, Clint was good company, and made the best Irish Coffee Peter had ever had in his life.

“Seriously Pete? You’ve gotta sleep for more than two hours a night, you’re falling to pieces.” Clint sounded exhausted, making Peter’s chest pang with guilt. He gladly accepted the coffee that Clint handed him, settling into one of the chairs at the table in the corner.

“And you’ve gotta sleep too, you really don’t have to stay up all night taking care of me…” Peter whined, taking in Clint’s tired appearance. Clint chuckled, placing a plate of bacon in front of him. “Sick of me already? I’m hurt Pete, I really am.” Peter huffed and picked up a piece of bacon, taking a small bite. “Thanks Clint.”

“You’re welcome, grumpy face. You should go take a nap when you’re finished here, no offense, but you look like shit.” Clint grinned, and Peter couldn’t even pretend to be hurt.

*********************************************************

Tony Stark had seen better days. By no stretch of the imagination had he ever been Deadpool’s biggest fan, in fact he had hated the guy and thought that Peter had always deserved better. But, after seeing how torn up his son was, he had to admit that he’d be overjoyed to see Wade walk through the door right now. As much as it pained him to say it, Wilson had made Peter happy, and now that he was gone, Peter was crashing and burning. Barton had told him everything that had been happening after they got home from the hospital, how Peter wasn’t eating or sleeping much, that he was losing weight fast. Tony wanted Deadpool back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah.... sorry this was so short but I couldn't think of a way to transition from tony to what I wanted to write next. Anyway, thank you for reading! - Cassie x


	3. Graveyard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So let's be sinners to be saints  
> And let's be winners by mistake  
> The world may disapprove  
> But my world is only you  
> And if we're sinners then it feels like heaven to me

The graveyard was freezing cold, even on the best days. Even so, Peter had made sure that Wade was in the warmest corner, so on sunny days the light glinted off the gravestone. But Peter’s favourite were days like this, days when the rain was so heavy that he couldn’t see two feet in front of him. He could put in his earphones and go for a run, without Clint breathing down his neck. He liked the guy, but Barton had a tendency to be…. overbearing, at best. And he was always pointlessly worrying about whether Peter was eating or sleeping enough (He wasn’t). 

His dads worried too, to the point where they actually called him at all hours of the night just to make sure he was okay (He wasn’t). He knew they meant well, but sometimes he just wanted to be alone and he didn’t understand why thats such a bad thing. He was twenty years old for God’s sake, he could take care of himself. He did appreciate Clint’s presence so, even more so than his other friends, or even his parents. 

Clint slept on the couch, even though Peter had already told him that he could stay in the spare room (Wade used to sleep there when they fought). Some of his things were still in the dresser, Peter couldn’t really bring himself to move anything. He was still half expecting him to walk through the door, loud and irritating and probably the love of Peter’s life. He knew that wasn’t gonna happen, but, he could dream, right?

****************************************************************

Peter was missing and Clint worrying. He was sure that Peter was fine, he could definitely handle himself, but it was the coldest month they’d had in a long time and he wanted to make sure the little spider wouldn’t get sick. He pulled on his jacket quickly and grabbed his phone, sending a quick text to Steve and Tony.

Peter’s missing, gonna go find him. - Clint.

Almost instantly, his phone started ringing, blaring a horrible generic ringtone that Clint had been too busy to change. After a twenty minute lecture from Tony, Clint agreed to bring him back to Stark Towers immediately when he found him. 

Well this would be fun.

****************************************************************************

Peter’s clothes were long since soaked, his thin hoodie and sweatpants doing little to protect him from the freezing cold as he knelt in front of the gravestone.

“Wade…” His voice cracked, wobbling slightly as he sniffed. “ Please come back, I can’t do this   
without you. I need you back, it’s all my fault…” His eyes were puffy and red, his cheeks still tear-stained and red from the cold. He’s been here for hours now, he was losing his mind with grief.

He didn’t know exact when it happened, but he had just been listening to music when something inside him snapped. It was like the floodgates had opened, letting all the grief and sadness and pain wash over him, leaving him sobbing in agony. He needed Wade back. 

His hair was plastered down against his head now, and his feet were practically swimming in his shoes. He shoved his hands in his pocket, head down.

“You swore you’d never leave me Wade… You promised.” His voice was small and rough from the cold, but was seething with barely contained anger. “You fucking lied! How dare you leave me like this!? You promised me forever, Wade Wilson, you fucking liar.”

That’s where Clint found him, gently picking him up, wrapping a warm coat around him and carrying him back to Stark Towers.

*********************************************************

Peter was grounded. Under no circumstances was he allowed to leave his apartment, and with Clint standing guard at the door, he didn’t even want to try. He was sick too, to make matters worse, he had gotten a bad cold from sitting in the rain for too long. He probably deserved it, running off like that. Clint had been absolutely livid, but more relieved than anything. He had cooked some kind of soup thing for Peter and to be honest, Peter had never eaten anything so fast in his life.

Nat had suggested that maybe training would help him to get himself right again, even offering to help him with eating right and sparring. He gratefully accepted, thankful for any opportunity to feel useful and get out of his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!


	4. Sparring Sessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably only maybe one or two chapters left????? - Cassie x

Peter was sick of being grounded. 

It was fucking undignified really, having to be accompanied anywhere that he needed to go. I mean he understood where his dads were coming from, last time they had left him alone he had almost died from the cold, but he was nineteen years old for fuck’s sake, he should at least be able to go to the bathroom without asking!

Some of the Avenger’s were better than others though. Clint was overbearing and overprotective even at the best of times (although Peter had to admit, it was kind of endearing), while Thor was just strict and followed the orders he had been given to a T. Natasha was awesome, sneaking him pretty much anything he wanted and just sitting around and sometimes sparring with him. Bruce was really busy and couldn’t talk to him often, but he was a pretty good person to talk to when he had the time. 

But they were no Wade, and they knew it. Peter loved them for that.

***************************************************************************

“Come on Peter, you can do better than that!” 

Peter spun, kicking without thinking, nearly sending the punching bag flying. Natasha’s grin got wider and she punched his shoulder playfully. “There you go! Knew you had it in you, Petey.”  
Peter chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure, you probably could have killed me over a hundred times just while we were sparring!”

Natasha’s face contorted in mock hurt. “A hundred? You underestimate me!” Peter huffed and whined, he hadn’t thought he’d be this out of shape in such a short space of time, but he supposed that living off of pizza and being severely unmotivated to do pretty much anything would do that to a guy.

He took a quick drink of water and then the pair got back to work.

*************************************************************************

Clint was amazed. It had only been about a week since the graveyard incident and already, Peter was improving so much. He still wasn’t sleeping much, but he was eating enough, he was talking more, and he was losing the small bit of puppy fat he had gained.

He was still broken badly, Clint knew that. But things seemed to be looking up, for now anyway.


	5. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another shitty short update, I'm so sorry guys but I have exams and barely any time... ~Cassie

Of course, things started to go bad again just as soon as everyone had started to see some hope. 

There wasn’t even really a reason for it, but there never really was a reason for this sort of thing. Peter’s moods were plummeting fast, not even Tony had the heart to make the others tail him anymore. Food was being left uneaten again, he had stopped even trying against Natasha in training.

It wasn’t like Peter wasn’t trying though. He tried to smile as much as normal, tried to be pleasant and friendly with everyone, especially the avengers. But most of the time, he was unbearable at best and even Clint tended to avoid him. 

The only thing that made Peter even the smallest bit happy was the dog that Clint sometimes brought to see him from home. His name was scruffy and he was a mix breed, but Peter loved him. He was always happy to see Peter, leaving slobber on every surface of his apartment and matting the sofa with dog hair. But, he was an amazing listener and never judged Peter when he cried, or woke up screaming for the third time that night, just quietly padding over to provide comfort.

Clint, ecstatic at this new development, happily gifted the dog to Peter that Christmas, earning him a tight hug and a whispered thank you.

******************************************************  
All went silent when someone knocked on the Avenger’s front door. Peter looked up, confused, while Tony and Steve stood up, debating who was going to answer it.

Steve won, and went to the door, opening it wide.

The hushed gasp broke the stunned silence, followed by Natasha choking out a word softly.

“....B-Bucky?”


	6. A/N

Okay so I'm thinking one more chapter, and it's gonna end in some implied Bucky/Peter, so yeah. Thank you so much for reading this, it's been a pleasure writing for you guys <3 ~Cassie.


	7. Fin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so... This is it, the final Chapter. Hopefully it's alright, thank you all for reading! <3 ~ Cassie

Bucky Barnes was a quiet man. He didn’t speak much, unless you were Steve or Nat, but he was polite and pleasant when he did talk. A little rough around the edges maybe, but the kindness was still there. 

When he wasn’t sleeping, Bucky was usually in the training room, sparring with whoever was stupid enough to volunteer and training by himself. 

When it was Peter’s turn to spar with him, Bucky decided to do push ups with Peter sitting on his back (only when Peter was having trouble breathing though). Peter only realised what Bucky had done later, sneaking downstairs to thank him.

Since neither of them could sleep, they stayed awake for a while, watching movies and draining the refrigerator of anything that they could drink. After that, Peter (embarrassingly) fell asleep on Bucky’s shoulder, clinging to him until he was woken the next morning.

Peter was woken rather rudely the next morning, staring blearily up into the angry face of the First Avenger.

Steve Rogers was absolutely livid. He shouted himself hoarse, sending an indignant Peter and a shocked Bucky to their separate rooms.

They remained in their rooms for the rest of the day, texting each other and hiding their phones from Steve. Clint called them for dinner later, and after being forcibly seated on opposite sides of the table, they smiled at each other and stayed silent while the others talked.

*****************************************************************

Due to Steve's clear disapproval of their friendship, Bucky and Peter grew closer and closer as time passed.

Peter really liked him. He was so polite, and kind, and he always listened when Peter was in a bad mood, he never apologised and he was just always right there, despite Steve’s best attempts to keep them apart.

And when Bucky woke in the night, writhing and clawing at the sheets, Peter was there to kiss his nightmares away, soothing him back to sleep.

They worked together, and eventually the broken pieces started to fit.

*****************************************************************

The old gravestone was faded and worn when Bucky found it, the gold engraving glittering in the early summer sun. Perfect time for what Bucky was planning.

“Wade…. I’ve heard so much about you, Peter really was a lucky guy.” Bucky chuckled to   
himself, shoving his hands into his pockets. “But so were you. Peter… he’s really something, isn’t he? And my god, he loves you. He fucking loves you Wade. But I think… I think he loves me too. I don’t know what I did to get this lucky, but I really think I can make him happy. And that’s all that matters right? That Peter is happy.”

Bucky cleared his throat, looking around the empty graveyard.

“I wanna marry him Wade. I know that you wanted to be the one but.. I think I can do it. God knows he deserves it. He’s been smiling more, and laughing… I could listen to him laugh forever. So I guess I’m asking you for your permission. I know that sounds silly but.. Gimme a sign Wade, please. I need to know that you’ll be okay with this, that I’m allowed to keep him…”

Bucky wasn’t one to believe in miracles, but he swore up and down when anyone asked that the sun had gotten brighter after that, the day getting even more beautiful than it was.

*******************************************************************

They got married in June. The day was sunny so they decided to have it outside. Clint Barton served as the Wedding Officiant, while Nat and Pepper were bridesmaids and Thor was the best man. 

Everyone was together, finally happy, and for the first time in a long time, Peter actually felt that things were getting better.


End file.
